thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
