Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
