she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize