I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
