Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
