I should be sponsored by Trojan
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
