please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
