So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
