Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
