I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
