who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need moral support for this bender
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
