did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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