I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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