he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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