brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
