You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
