We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
