just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
