I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dick very happy bro
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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