it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so much tequila, so little girl.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
