i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize