were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
