well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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