Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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