I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
