1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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