This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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