I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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