I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
