don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
