You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
