my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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