I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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