just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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