I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
