oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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