Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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