dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
