i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
