he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
