I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
