Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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