Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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