Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
