There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
