Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dear god my vagina.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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