"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
