I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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