and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
