I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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