So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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