This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
