Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
