I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
