When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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