I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
