Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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