You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
