The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
