how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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