At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
