I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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