Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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