Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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