Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
