Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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