Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
