dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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