i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
