Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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