So drunk its hurt
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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