he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
